It was a middle of the summer when we had this conversation. We were separated by around 3000 km and we had plans to move in together by the end of the year, plans that were never meant to become true. So I have asked, my voice trembling:
– Why are you leaving me?
I was expecting to hear something like ¨I met another girl¨ or ¨I have plans to travel around the world alone¨. It was not the case. Instead of that, after few seconds of mumbling and me, patiently waiting for the salvation, I heard the phrase that surprised me so much, that no further reply was needed.
– Mmm…es que.. (´so well´) I do not feel 100%
Thoughts started to spin in my head and anger rose up my veins. What??? 100%? Are we in the class of mathematics? So what is the percentage when you want to kiss? What is the percentage when you want to start relationships? Are you out of your mind???
But I kept on playing your game.
– Ahhh…ok… (like I understood that!). But a few weeks ago you have invited me to your nephew´s baptism? Doesn´t it mean anything? How much percentage did you feel then?
Silence. And here we go – I got the reply that was swirling in my mind many months after you have left.
– Well…I felt 75%
Oh my dear God! Santa Maria! Am I the only one crazy here asking these questions? But well, the answer equals the question.
Obviously, it took 75% for Spanish guy to invite the girl to a family event.
This is how I was introduced to the percentage system. I have never measured my feelings with numbers. I have questioned how to
find out the percentage as you go in order not to be surprised one day with 0% in your account. If there are numbers, it is measurable, isn´t it? If it is measurable, theoretically we could stop and reflect? Apparently, this system is unpredictable and can be used anytime against you.
Conversation number 2 took place on a sofa in a middle of the winter, we were calmly chatting about life, goals, wants and needs. Suddenly you asked:
– What do you need from me?
I froze. I shivered. I replied:
– Well…mmmm…I have to go…
I did not like this conversation as it smelled bad, but you continued:
– I think you want a commitment, but I am not 100% sure if I want the same.
Oh my God! This is happening again! Numbers quickly started down falling in front of me. So how much do you feel? How much is lacking? But you wanted something 100%? We were on this sofa, you hugged me so warm…how much percentage does it take for a Spanish guy to hug a girl? Apparently, not 100%, probably not even 50%.
At that very moment, I understood that my time is over in this room and on this sofa. My time was over for you.
And yes, there was a guy who told me ¨I feel 100% for you¨. I thought I am deaf and I misunderstood the phrase. I bluntly looked back at him and he repeated the phrase quite affirmatively ¨I feel 100% for you¨. Was this happening for real? Have I won a lottery? Is this that magical number that I was waiting for?
I did not know if to laugh from happiness, or because of the fact that there are no exceptions to the rule. Each and every Spanish guy I met had that secret percentage system with its unknown quantities, equations, complicated measures and divisors that causes so much headache that in the end all you want is to break free, escape and be with someone who does not measure his feelings with numbers. I do not want 100%, I do not want rules and evaluations.
What I want is somebody who will always choose me, even though the numbers in a percentage system will drop time to time.